dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
