Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
