whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
