I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
