It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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