How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
