Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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