So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
