dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
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Man, jail baloney is awful.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
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I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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