Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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