meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I wear drunk well.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
