I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
