wrigley field is MILF paradise
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
