I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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