my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
My bed smells like the plague
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
