He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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