you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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