Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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