please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Sober January is a disaster.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
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