so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
