Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Randomize
