Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
