am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You can't just leave with hair like that
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
