What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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