Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
