Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
