we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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