Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
