You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
