Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
