a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
