If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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