If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
