At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
