I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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