yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
