too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
