Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
