For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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