hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
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