if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
