The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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