The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
