I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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