She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
