I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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