I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
