after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
