Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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