you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
