Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
