1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
