he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
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I am one with the molecules
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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