the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
