it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
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