I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
