YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
