somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
