How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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