I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
