Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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