I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
