I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Randomize
