I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
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