i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
