i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
