At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
