my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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